I’m doing better than I was.
I’m not in the same deep dark pit that I was in, I don’t think.
At least not every day. So it’s improving.
I’ve got school going. 3 courses. The 2 online have started and are a week in – they look to be tedious but doable. It’s going to be a lot of work but they’re both classes I’m very interested in so it’ll hopefully hold my attention.
The third class starts tomorrow on campus and I found out that it’s with an instructor that I’ve had prior to now, and I loved his teaching style and his charisma, so it makes me really excited for the course. So all systems are go with school.
Now, I’ve picked up a part time job doing outbound calls from home for a research firm. It’s 4 hours a day, 4 days a week, and I can split the shift if I want. So, it’s really convenient for me with all my struggles. Even still, it’s nearly impossible some days and takes a pep talk from the whole family and the boyfriend to get me logged on, and I have to drag myself through it. But I’m doing it for now. I’m hoping to get a doctors’ note and request the ability to break my shift up even more. If I could work on my own time with an assigned number of hours to get in, it’d be ideal. I have trouble sitting for long periods of time. I need to get up and walk away or I get agitated. So that’s a thing – I’m working. (What?)
DBT and CBT are going steady; while my commitment remains in tact, the dedication has been slacking; partly due to anxiety and avoidance, and partly due to lack of time. I need to really dedicate more time and effort to skills application and practice. But I want to comment that I’ve grown a lot in the way of avoidance. I’m making phone calls! Appointments!
I’m also attending physiotherapy 3 times a week. Twice I see a chiropractor, and once I get a massage. I got my first ‘adjustment’ recently – terrifying! But it seems to be helping. I want to reiterate, though: terrifying. Even after the first time. Letting someone ‘adjust’ you (also read: crack you all over) takes a lot of trust and is quite anxiety inducing.
Aaaaand to mix it all up a little, we’re moving in the next couple months, which adds all kinds of stress and complications of its own, especially since we don’t know where we’re going yet.
I think anyone with the same amount of life events on their plate as me would be under stress.
I have not yet buckled.
I think I’m doing this life-ing thing.